I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
