I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
