new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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