hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
