my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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