I cannot find my penis.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
