Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
