if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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