Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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