so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Someone came in the potted fern
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
