So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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