Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
