I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
