it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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