If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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