no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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