Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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