She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize