Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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