Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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