Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize