oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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