I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
