My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
