atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
