She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
