We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
