dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
