You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
