apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
