She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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