so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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