I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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