Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
