Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
