Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
