Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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