explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
