so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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