if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
