this beer tastes like vomit already
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
