You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
