im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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