I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
