saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
