he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I believe in your delicious
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
