Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
