Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
