What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
