So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
