If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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