I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
