Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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