ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
