I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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