I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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