I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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