I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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