My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
