just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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