Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
