my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
