im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
