I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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