Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
