Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
